STEPPING OUT OF REGRET INTO A SMALL RAY OF LIGHT..

I have lived the past 13 years full of regret:

A few bad months in my life in 2007 led me to waste 13 years of my life regretting decisions I had made, draining me of joy and happiness and making me an ineffective human being for far too long.

In 2004 I sold my nursing home business after 10 years and wanted to try something completely different so I purchased a swimming pool construction company – building around 20-25 pools a year this company had great numbers – even though I never really read past the first line of the financials, but noticed right away its annual turnover was $1.2 m. The “m – word” (million) excited me and the rest of the numbers I foolishly didn’t care about.

It was a seasonal business due to our location in Canada and the winters we have here – so April to October was basically our money making months.

I struggled along for 3 years – I hated running construction crews and chasing customers who didn’t want to pay their final installment upon completion of the pool. But even worse I hated the fact that 5 months a year the coffers were being emptied and even though we produced great revenues for the other 7 months there was never enough money in the account.

In February of 2007 the company was put into bankruptcy.

How could I have been so stupid?

Everyone is going to know I am a failure?

What do I do for income now, I have a house and 4 kids?

Why did I personally guarantee the accounts with our 2 largest suppliers?

Why didn’t I listen to my Dad back in 2004 when I told him what business I was thinking of buying?

Is there any way I can stash and hide any money away from the trustee?

How do I face these creditors at these meetings I have to have with them?

Can’t I just rewind the past 3 years and make a different choice or at least do things differently?

Yes I had guaranteed a couple of accounts with my personal name – note to self and anyone reading this – DO NOT PERSONALLY GUARANTEE BUSINESS LOANS!! With debts approaching $775,000 in April of 2007 we were forced to sell our house. The family home that we all loved. My 50% portion of the proceeds, after the mortgage was paid out, went to my creditors and thankfully my wife kept her portion which helped us survive for a while but it was not a lot.

There we were as a family in April of 2007 with no business, no income and no home!

One month later on May 7th 2007 my mum passed away after a short fight with cancer. She was 62 and I was 33.

Mum died literally weeks after I lost my business and we as a family lost our house. For years the thoughts in my head were that she died and her final memories of me were that I was a complete failure.

Despite having a wife and 4 kids who never wavered in their love for me during this time, I felt alone, devastated, angry, sad, depressed and found little point in living.

And that is how I lived for 13 years until I pulled my head out of my ass.

I don’t know what led me to order Mel Schwartz book back in the beginning of 2020. All I know is this book came into my life at a time when I was ready to read it and maybe you are too. Click below for more information on Mel’s book.

The Possibility Principle

As of the time of writing this post in January of 2021 I have started reading this book for the 4th time.

I really feel this book gave me a fresh start on life at 45 years old.

In fact on my bio page on my site I am holding this book in the photo of me.

I spent so many years full of regret and anger but I could find no way out of it on my own. This book has helped me move into a better headspace. I have got a long way to go but I feel I am heading in the right direction.

The Possibility Principle helped me to step away from the daily turmoil that I was calling my life and realize that it was my thought patterns that were holding me back.

All the stuff that stupid voice in my head was telling me about how useless I was, what a failure I was were not true but I was validating that voice by not processing it for what it was – just a stupid inner voice.

Now I embrace uncertainty in my life – I do not know what tomorrow will bring. Will this venture into blogging, posting and an online presence turn into anything? I don’t know, I can’t be certain but I enjoy writing and sharing so I am giving it a go.

Possibilities are endless for all of us. Possibilities are endless for me. I just couldn’t see them. The book has helped me step out of my comfort zone – yesterday I emailed Mel the author of The Possibility Principle to get his permission to write about and reference his book on my site. He was gracious to say yes and I told him I was starting the book for the 4th time. Mel invited me onto his podcast show as a guest and I went back immediately and said yes I would love to. That was a lie, I would not “love to” because the prospect actually scares the shit out of me! What will he ask? What will I say? When his listeners hear me bumbling through the responses to his questions will they laugh at me? Will I hear echoes of laughter all around the world at my expense?

I have learnt to silence myself and recognize in the following second my possibilities in life are endless!

I did say yes to joining Mel on his podcast. What is the worst that can happen plus it will give some content for my blog. If my story helps or resonates with one person then it will all be worth it. What if something I say helps someone with their struggle? 

If I do mess up the interview I am sure Mel will just not run it on his site so I am not even going to worry.

If the interview does run I will share it here.

If you are in a place of regret or disappointment like I was then I encourage you to be open to reading the book.

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